Forgiveness
by Elisa Trapt
Summary: Post Season 5, minus the last few minutes. Jack and Audrey discover that sometimes the hardest person to forgive is yourself.
1. Part I

I haven't written a _24_ fic in quite a while. Season 6 didn't do much in the way of inspiration, especially when it came to Jack and Audrey. So I decided to go back to where Jack and Audrey at least had a chance.

**Summary:** Post Season 5, minus the last few minutes (so no fake phone call from "Kim"). Jack and Audrey discover that sometimes the harderst person to forgive is yourself.

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Jack and Audrey, and sadly never will. I have come to accept that as long as I get to play around with them once in a while.

* * *

"I can't believe you're really…you're really here." 

Audrey heard herself saying the words even as she looked disbelievingly at the man currently holding her in his arms. The man who wasn't supposed to be in front of her at all. The man who wasn't even supposed to be alive. The man who definitely wasn't supposed to have just kissed her the way he did.

Jack met Audrey's eyes with a smile, and stroked her cheek. He looked like he was about to say something when she heard from behind him,

"Agent Bauer?"

Audrey tilted her head slightly and saw an Asian agent standing behind Jack. Jack turned as well, but didn't let go of Audrey.

"Excuse me," the agent continued, "But I've been instructed to bring you back to CTU."

Jack tightened his hold on Audrey.

"No, there must be a mistake. I just spoke with Bill Buchanan, and he said the debriefing was scheduled for tomorrow."

"I'm sorry, sir, but those are my orders."

The agent looked almost nervous to contradict Jack. Audrey didn't blame me. Here was the man who had just taken down the President of the United States.

"Jack," Audrey said, pulling Jack's attention back around. She was startled when she saw his expression immediately soften as his eyes settled on hers. Did she still have his trust so completely? Even now, after so long apart? She was instantly reminded of what that meant for him, to place faith in someone else. She also remembered how much that frightened her, to have such power over a man. This man.

But there was no time to contemplate that now. Audrey reached up and touched Jack's face.

"It's okay," she told him. "Finish this. Do what you need to do. I'll be waiting for you when you're done."

Jack frowned.

"Audrey, I don't want–"

"Jack," Audrey said firmly, cutting him off, "Get this out of the way, and we have all the time in the world." She lowered her voice so the agent still hovering behind Jack couldn't hear her. "Just you and me."

Jack considered her words, and at last nodded.

"Okay," he said. "I'll try to make this quick."

He leaned forward and once again touched her lips with his. The feeling was just as surprising to Audrey as it has been a few minutes ago, but just as she started to lean into him, Jack pulled away. He stared at her with a half-smile.

"I love you," he declared, and Audrey had just enough time to smile in response before he turned away from her, his hand grasping hers until he at last had to let go.


	2. Part II

When Audrey finally let herself into the apartment that she and her father now kept in LA due to their frequent visits, she didn't know what to do first. Feeling like she could laugh and cry, and not yet sure which she wanted to do, she wandered aimlessly through the rooms, at last ending up in the kitchen, brewing herself a cup of coffee. Cradling the steaming mug, she collapsed on the couch in front of the window overlooking the city, unsettled. Questions began rapidly spinning through her mind.

Was it possible that she had just let Jack walk away from her? Where she couldn't see him? Where she couldn't touch him? Was she insane?

As long as she was asking insane questions, was it really possible that he had returned to her? From the dead? From _Mojave_?

And if that was true, what had he been doing? Where had he been? Who had helped him? The image of Diane Huxley came unbidden to her mind, and Audrey looked down into her nearly empty mug. Questions like these, she knew, would make her crazy. She had to stop.

Setting down her mug, she suddenly realized how grimy and sticky she felt. When they had brought her to the CTU clinic, she'd been able to clean up reasonably well, but what she was craving more than anything else was a hot shower.

Shedding her clothes as she made her way to the bathroom, Audrey turned the water on as hot as she could stand it, and then stood under the hard spray. Being careful to keep her bandaged arm dry, she let the water rinse off what was the left of the night before – the shock and pain, the fear, the agonizing worry. She focused instead on Jack, on his strength and confidence, his arms around her just a little while ago, his lips forming the words, "I love you."

Stepping out of the shower, Audrey toweled off, pulled on a pair of underwear and a tank top, and then wrapped herself up in her robe. After calling the hospital to check on her father, Audrey settled herself on the couch, and despite the caffeine she had just consumed, dozed off in a matter of minutes.


	3. Part III

Audrey woke abruptly from a sharp knock on her door. Sitting up, she was momentarily disoriented, and closed her eyes to clear her head. It only took a few seconds to all come back to her.

She pulled the belt of her robe tightly around herself, and made her way to the door. Even though she was sure who was on the other side of the door, her breath still caught as she looked through the security lens and saw Jack standing there, his head bowed, hands in his pockets. She opened the door, and Jack looked up, his intense gaze immediately locked on her.

Audrey stared back, rooted to where she stood. Her eyes not leaving his, she nevertheless noticed that he had changed clothes since they had parted, and had obviously gotten the chance to shower. And though it looked like he had attempted to shave, the stubble around his jaw remained, and it almost made Audrey smile – on that evidence alone, there was no question who was standing in front of her.

"Hi," she finally managed.

"Hi," Jack replied.

For a moment, an awkwardness hung between them, neither quite sure what to do. _How_, Audrey wondered, _do you welcome someone back from the dead?_ Audrey tried to decipher the look in Jack's dark blue eyes, but she couldn't quite see past the wall he was so good at hiding behind. She was out of practice, she realized, reading his eyes.

She was about to say something to at least break the silence when she saw Jack take a hesitant step forward. Audrey wanted to move, to meet him half way, but for some reason, couldn't get her feet to cooperate. And at that moment, it seemed like he was a mile away from her, and at the speed they were going, they would never reach each other.

But then, without any further movement that Audrey could detect, Jack closed the distance between them, and they were, at last, in each other's arms. She was wrapped up in him, and he in her, and Audrey was only conscious of Jack pressed against her, his head buried in her shoulder, and that she had her arms around him and couldn't stop repeating, "Oh, my God." The only thing that matter was this, now. The building could have been collapsing around them, and she doubted she would have noticed.

After a minute, however, it did occur to Audrey that they were, in fact, still standing in the hallway, and she released Jack long enough to grab his hands, pull him inside, and shut the door.

This time when they reached for each other, Jack's right hand was sliding along her cheek, and Audrey willingly let him pull her toward him until his lips found hers. Audrey's hands came up to cradle the back of his head, and she sighed audibly as she kissed him back.

Much like a few hours ago back at the staging area, Audrey couldn't quite believe this was happening. Even as her brain was registering that she was touching Jack, kissing Jack, her heart was having a hard time believing this was really Jack.

Audrey broke away from him to trail kisses along his jaw until her lips reached his ear.

"I'm not imagining this, right? It's really you?"

Audrey heard the smile in his reply.

"Yeah, it's really me."

And then, even as she felt his arms tighten around her, Audrey felt Jack start to shake slightly.

Alarmed, Audrey pulled back to look at him. He dropped his head to avoid her eyes, but she could still feel the tremors, and she framed his face with her hands, forcing Jack to look up. The second he did, she saw what she'd failed to see in the hallway – the sheer exhaustion in his eyes, the mountain of losses he'd just sustained settling in. Audrey thought about Palmer, Michelle, Tony, and frankly, she didn't know how he was still standing.

"Jack…" she whispered.

"I'm fine," he quickly insisted, trying to brush it off, reaching for her again.

"You're not fine," she countered, placing her hand on his chest, resisting him. "You're –" she started, but stopped when she saw the expression on his face, the one that said he didn't want to talk about it. "You're tired," she said instead, letting it go for now. "You need to sleep. We both do."

"I don't want to sleep," Jack frowned, leaning toward her.

"Jack, don't argue with me," Audrey said in the firmest voice she could. She hoped it was believable enough because in truth, if he protested again, she very likely would let him continue with whatever he had in mind. And she was pretty sure that while it had everything to do with going to bed, it had nothing to do with going to sleep.

Not that she didn't want exactly what he wanted. Of course, she wanted him, to lose herself in his arms, to remember what that felt like. But at the moment, it wasn't what either of them needed.

"Come on," she said, taking his hand and turning before he could protest further. She led him down the hall to her room. She let go of Jack's hand as she went to draw the shades to block out the morning sun, and then pulled back the covers on her bed. She turned back toward him.

"Sleep," she said in a tone she hoped brooked no argument. He gave her a somewhat bemused looked, but nevertheless, kicked off his shoes, and shed his shirt and pants.

Audrey raised an eyebrow at him, and did her best to pretend she wasn't the slightest bit interested in Jack standing in front of her in his boxers. She gestured toward the bed.

Jack stepped forward and as he passed her, he slipped his arm around her waist and pressed a kiss to her cheek.

"Okay," he said softly, "But only because you're asking."

"Fine," she replied, allowing herself to briefly enjoy the feel of his arm slipped around her before disengaging herself from him, and pushing him down on the bed. If he thought he was doing it to humor her, so be it.

Audrey walked around to the other side of the bed. She was well aware Jack's eyes were following her the entire time, as she untied her robe and let it fall to the floor, as she pulled back the covers and slid in next to him. She lifted her eyes to his.

They briefly stared at each other again, and just as it had out in the hallway, an awkward beat passed between them.

But this time, it was Audrey who made the first move, tipping her forehead against his, and reaching up with her left hand to touch his cheek. She watched as Jack's eyes shut at her touch, and he leaned into her hand.

"Audrey…" he whispered. "Audrey, I'm so –"

"Shhh," she hushed him. "It's okay. Later, we can talk later. Sleep now."

Jack's eyes opened to find hers, and he leaned forward to kiss her softly before burrowing into her arms, his right arm looped around her waist, his head tucked under her chin.

Audrey inhaled sharply at the sudden contact, at the very real feeling of Jack's bare skin against her own, at the warmth of his body against hers. Audrey instinctively put her arms around him, the desire to protect him overwhelming. No one would guess that this man who risked everything to protect his country needed any protection of his own whatsoever.

But Audrey knew better.

She knew that almost no one saw this side of Jack, and even after all these months, he was trusting her with it. She'd be damned if she didn't take that very seriously.

And so Audrey kissed the top of Jack's head, and breathed in the scent of him. It was not the scent she remembered, but it was clean, and for now it would do. It was enough that he was here. She gently rubbed his back.

Audrey ignored her own exhaustion for the moment, and waited patiently for Jack to fall asleep, sure that he would fight it as long as possible. But it was only moments later that she heard his deep, even breathing, and felt the last of the tension leave his limbs as he relaxed against her.

Audrey let out a breath she didn't know she had been holding, and only then allowed herself to follow Jack into sleep.


	4. Part IV

When Audrey woke again, the room was dark, and she was alone in bed. She sat up, listening, but heard no sound to tell her Jack might have just gone to the bathroom or to the kitchen. The apartment was quiet.

She threw the covers off, got out of bed, and walked down the hallway, trying not to panic. _Please, please,_ she begged silently, _tell me he's not gone. Again_. But her fears were laid to rest when Audrey turned the corner into the living room and found Jack leaning up against the window, looking out. She stopped.

Just the faintest light of day was still visible, and the city was already lit up, silhouetting Jack in the window. He had his arms crossed and his forehead against the glass. Audrey was hard-pressed to recognize any movement from him whatsoever, just barely able to see his chest rising and falling with steady breathing. For all intents and purposes, he looked like he had fallen asleep standing up.

Audrey padded up behind him, not sure if she was going to startle him or not. But when she touched his arm, he didn't so much as flinch, and she was reminded once again who was standing in front of her. Of course he heard her coming. She slipped her arms around him, one hand higher on his chest, the other at his waist, and pressed a kiss between his shoulder blades.

"Hey," she said softly.

"Hey," he replied, and Audrey could hear a tension in his voice, in just that one word. He covered her hand that was on his chest with his own.

Audrey laid her head against his back.

"Did you sleep at all?" she asked.

"Yeah, I did. Thank you."

Audrey wasn't sure whether to believe him. She had slept so soundly, she didn't know when he got up. And she was concerned about what she was sensing in the clipped manner he was answering her.

"Come back to bed with me," she tried to encourage, lifting her head and putting some backward pressure on his chest with her hand. But his body stiffened and he leaned away from her. Audrey dropped her hands.

"Jack, what's wrong?" she asked, stepping to his side, trying to look at him.

Jack shook his head, and said nothing. Audrey lightly touched his shoulder.

"Don't do that," she said. "Talk to me." When he still didn't answer, she stepped even closer, so he was pretty much forced to acknowledge her. "Hey, it's me. I'm right here, and I'm not going anywhere, so you might as well –"

"But _why_ are you here?"

The question came in a hard tone, and Audrey was taken aback.

"Excuse me?"

"I think you heard me." His voice was bitter, not the voice she had heard just before they'd gone to sleep, the one that made her feel everything would be okay.

Audrey had no idea where this was going, but she was beginning to feel frustrated.

"I heard you just fine. What I don't understand is why you're asking me that or how I'm supposed to take it. Why am I here? I could give you the smart-ass answer that I live here. But I suppose you're asking, why am I here _with you_. So I'll give you a very honest answer: I don't know. But what I _do_ know is up until I saw you through the window at CTU yesterday, I've felt like I haven't been able to take a complete breath in the last year and a half. Right now I can breathe."

Jack's eyes flicked toward her briefly, listening, and then he resumed looking out the window. Audrey couldn't let this go now.

"Jack, why are you asking me this? What's going on?"

When he still didn't say anything, Audrey grabbed his forearm, and pulled.

"Jack!"

He finally turned toward her, quickly, and Audrey took an involuntary step back when he looked at her. The pain in his eyes was tremendous. He clenched his jaw once, twice, and then spoke.

"I hurt you."

Audrey held his gaze.

"Jack, what are you –"

"I. _Hurt_. You." Jack reached out, and it took everything Audrey had not to flinch away from him. She stood still as his right hand came up and grazed her bandaged arm, and for a second she thought he was blaming himself for Henderson's handy work. But then his hand lifted higher, and he brushed away her hair covering her shoulder and neck, to reveal the dark bruises Audrey knew were starting to appear there. The bruises he had put there only hours ago.

Oh.

Audrey cursed silently to herself.

"Jack, listen to me. I don't blame you for what you had to do."

Jack gave her an incredulous look.

"How can you say that?" he asked. "After what I did to you?"

"Because you were in the middle of a terrorist crisis, that's how. Because I know that you've been betrayed more than once by people you've trusted. And at the time, you didn't know who you could and couldn't trust anymore."

Jack shook his head.

"That's no excuse. I should have listened to you, listened to what my instincts were telling me."

Audrey was not going to let Jack go down this road.

"No. That wasn't Jack, the man who cares deeply for the people in his life. That was Jack the CTU agent, trying to save his country. I love both, but I also know the difference. It took me a while, but I learned – both of them live in you."

And Audrey knew, given the option, which person he would like to be. But she also knew there would never be a choice for him. He would struggle with the dualities that lived inside him for the rest of his life.

"I know you would never hurt me intentionally," she said.

Jack framed her face with both his hands.

"Everything, _everyone_, I touch gets hurt somehow," he informed her. "And then they're gone."

"Well, then, I guess we're beating the odds. We've already crossed that bridge. _And I'm still here_," she replied earnestly.

"Can you forgive me?" Jack asked, looking down at the floor.

"Oh, Jack," Audrey sighed, touching his face, bring his eyes back to hers. "I already have. It's not my forgiveness you have to ask for. You have to ask for your own."

Audrey saw tears at the back of Jack's eyes.

"I don't know if I can," he admitted, his voice choked.

Audrey immediately drew him into her arms.

"Yes, you can," she said as he pressed his face into her neck. "I'll help you." Audrey heard him take a deep breath and let it go.

"Why are you here?" she heard him ask again, his voice muffled against her. But this time when he asked, she sensed he was actually asking for an answer.

Why was she here? Audrey didn't have the first idea how to answer him.

Audrey had long ago stopped analyzing the connection she and Jack shared. Right after Jack died, she had thought about it every day, trying to make sense of the deep loss she felt, a loss not many people around her understood given the relatively short time she had known him. However, as weeks turned into months, she came to accept that she might never understand it completely. But she also understood that that hardly mattered. She trusted it. And she had at last come, if not to peace with his death, to accept it with the knowledge that they'd had something deep and real, and that she'd been lucky for the time they'd had together.

"I'm here because I trust us," she said simply. "Because I trust you. Because I love you."

Jack straightened up, and looked at her. His hands were again sliding along her neck, his thumbs brushing her cheeks.

"I'm not sure what to say."

"Then don't say anything," she replied. "It's okay."

Jack returned her steady gaze, and then nodded. He leaned forward slightly, and pressed a kiss to her forehead, and then one to the tip of her nose. As she closed her eyes briefly, she felt his lips brush both her cheeks.

When Audrey opened her eyes again, she saw that Jack's face was mere inches from hers, and that his gaze had dropped to focus solely on her mouth. Audrey shivered involuntarily, wondering how this man caused such a reaction in her simply with a look.

But Audrey had little time to explore the question or the answer because Jack was leaning forward again, and after a slight pause, pressing his lips to hers. He kissed her twice, two soft kisses that just sipped at her lips, that just barely hinted at what was to come. And they might have satisfied Audrey, but she knew what was Jack's kisses promised. There was more, so much more.

And so when she smiled and reached for him, Jack pulled her fully against him, and his mouth at last firmly connected with hers, gentle yet insistent. She opened her mouth to his willingly, her tongue meeting his. Audrey moaned softly and wrapped her arms around Jack. The last time Jack had kissed her like this was the night before he'd died. Audrey tightened her hold on him, perfectly content to kiss him all night.

But Jack apparently had other ideas. Easily disengaging himself from her, he took her hands and led her to the couch, sitting and tugging her down next to him. As soon as she did, his hands were tangled in her hair, and he was kissing her again, this time harder. Audrey bit back another moan, and kissed him back, her hands coming up to explore his chest, her fingers tracing over the well-defined muscle of his abdomen, over his ribs, until they came to rest on his shoulders. A second later, and Audrey was digging her fingers into his skin as his lips left hers to kiss her down the right side of her neck, above her breastbone.

"Jack…." she sighed as he nipped at her shoulder before smoothing the same spot with a kiss. How had she ever lived without this?

Jack looked up.

"Audrey…I missed you…every day I missed you. You don't know how many times –"

Audrey silenced him with a kiss.

"I missed you too." She never wanted to think again about how much. She pressed her cheek against his.

Except that as Jack leaned forward and began guiding her backwards, his weight shifting over her, a similar moment suddenly came to Audrey's mind that made her gasp. It was a moment from a night mere months ago, in another room, on another couch, with another man. A moment that reminded her exactly how much she had missed Jack.

Jack heard her, and immediately stopped.

"Okay?" he asked. Audrey forced the stray thought out of her head, and nodded.

"More than okay," she assured him, stretching up, kissing him. But as Audrey's shoulders settled against the couch cushions with Jack stretched out next to her on his side, and the fingers of his right hand skimmed her hip until they just barely slipped under the hem of her tank top, another flash came to Audrey. This time it was of the other man's hands on her skin, pressing her underneath him.

Before she could control her reaction, Audrey shoved at Jack's chest, pushing him away. Jack sat up, giving her space.

"Audrey, what is it?'

Audrey saw the confused look on his face, and shook her head. She sat up, tucking herself against the opposite end of the couch, her arms around her knees.

"Nothing. I don't know."

Jack said nothing, waiting patiently while she avoided his gaze and tried to make sense of her thoughts. Finally she looked up.

"I think I need to explain something to you," she said.

Jack nodded once.

"Okay."

"I need to explain Walt Cummings to you."

Jack was immediately shaking his head.

"Audrey, you don't owe me any explanation. It's none of my business."

Audrey felt tears prickling at the back of her eyes.

"The thing is, Jack, it is your business. It had everything to do with you. With us."

Jack searched her eyes.

"Okay."

And Audrey began to speak.


	5. Part V

She began by telling him how she'd met Cummings at a few DOD briefings, and didn't get much of an impression of him one way or the other. A few polite exchanges, nothing more.

A few weeks later, there was an embassy dinner she was attending for her father, and he happened to be seated at her table. The seat next to him was empty, and Audrey vaguely remembered she'd heard something about him and his wife. Audrey had moved closer, and struck up a conversation. She noticed as the evening wore on that he was shamelessly flirting with her, but whether it was the wine or the late hour, she didn't much care. After months of grief, it was nice to let someone pay attention to her like that.

Except she let it go too far. He kept pursuing her in the weeks after, insisting that it was over with his wife, insisting they could be good together. Clichés, Audrey thought, if she'd ever heard them. And bad ones at that. Audrey hardly had any interest in him and tried to make that clear, but he was either oblivious or incredibly stubborn. She didn't know which, she just wanted him gone. She didn't want a relationship with anyone except the one man she would never see again.

But then it happened that she ended up at a conference in Baltimore, and who should be striding through the door but Walt. He took a seat next to her, whispering offhand comments during the lectures, making excuses to touch her hand or her shoulder. Audrey was annoyed at first, but she had to admit, Walt was making her laugh during a perfectly dull conference, and maybe he wasn't so bad. Audrey relented, and let herself enjoy his company.

And so when Walt slipped her a card key at the end of the day to a room at The River Hotel, eleven miles away in Pikesville, MD, Audrey didn't outright refuse.

"Maybe," was all she'd said before walking away. She still had DOD business to finish up, and by the time she was done, Walt was nowhere to be seen. _Just as well_, she'd thought. It was a bad idea.

But as she got in her car, and began driving out of the garage, she kept catching glimpses of the card that she had thrown onto the passenger seat. And before she was even completely conscious of it, she was headed North on I-83 toward Pikesville.

When she stepped into the modest River Hotel, she immediately headed for the bar. It was small, and more than half-empty at the late hour. Audrey didn't see Walt as she sat down at the far end and ordered a drink. As she sipped, she decided that if he showed up at the bar, then she'd see where that went, but she wasn't going to go looking for him. It seemed like the plan most likely to keep her from doing something really stupid.

She supposed she was too busy staring into her glass to see him enter, and so she didn't know he was there until he was behind her, reaching out to touch her wrist. She looked up. _God, this was _such _a bad idea,_ she thought.

But what she said was, "I don't know why I'm here."

Walt nodded.

"I think I do."

He threw a couple bills on the bar for her drink, and took her by the hand.

When they entered his room, there was little talk. There wasn't much of a point; they both knew why they were there.

The second he kissed her, Audrey knew she should have left. There was nothing in the kiss, no feeling whatsoever, and she felt like she had during those two one-night stands in college. The physical reaction she was feeling was pleasant enough, but she felt nothing beyond that.

Still, she found herself helping Walt out of his clothes, letting him do the same for her. Because, in truth, it _was_ causing a physical reaction in her, and she hadn't felt anyone's touch in so long.

And so she tried to shove it out of her head that this wasn't Jack, that it could never be Jack again. She tried to ignore that Walt didn't know the first thing about her, emotionally or sexually, and that he probably didn't care. Not that he wasn't making a modest effort; but their coupling wasn't about that, and she'd known that going in. She tried to ignore the tightness in her chest.

When that didn't work, she shut her eyes, finding herself imaging that it was Jack here with her, that it was Jack picking her up and carrying her to the bed. A small part of her brain was at least acknowledging that this wasn't a healthy way to deal with her loss, but she chose to ignore that voice. To hell with that voice. What good had it done her so far?

But in the end, the voice won out. She couldn't convince her brain that this was Jack's touch that she was feeling, that it was Jack's lips against her own. It was all wrong. Walt's hands didn't have the same feel, didn't make her believe she was the only one in the world he wanted to be touching. His kisses didn't hold a promise to love her in every one.

And when it was over, and he tried to put his arm around her, it was not the embrace that made her feel the safest she'd ever felt.

Audrey immediately sat up and swung her legs out of bed. Walt reached out and lazily touched her back and asked what was wrong. But Audrey hadn't been able to answer him. If she had, the hot tears prickling at the back of her eyes would have spilled over, and Audrey had no intention of telling Walt Cummings what was wrong. Even if she _could_ have verbalized it, she would not share Jack with this man.

So instead she got out of bed, and found her clothes, and quickly put them on. The entire time, Walt was speaking to her, asking her to talk to him, but Audrey barely heard him. The only thing she could focus on was_ skirt, blouse, shoes, purse_. But as she walked past the bed toward the door, she stopped and turned toward Walt.

"I'm sorry," she said. "This has nothing to do with you." And then she was out the door.

Cummings tried to call her a few times after that, but she ignored his calls, and eventually he got the hint. When they saw each other a couple more times at government functions, they remained professional, as if the night in Pikesville never happened. She wished it never had.


	6. Part VI

When Audrey finished speaking, she tried to measure Jack's reaction. He looked at her, leaned forward a little as if wanting to touch her, and then stopped.

Audrey saw his hesitation, and not knowing quite how to take it, spoke again, having a need to fill the palpable silence.

"He never asked me anything about my job or my father or you. We never talked business in the least, other than DOD stuff. There was no clue about who he really was or what he was planning…." She trailed off, aware she was babbling. Jack's eyebrows furrowed.

"I doubt he had any idea how far up it went either. He was just a pawn for them."

Audrey shrugged.

"Yeah," she said, "Probably. Doesn't make him any less of an ass, though, does it?"

The question hung in the air.

"Audrey, I'm so sorry," Jack said finally, the guilt clear in his voice.

Audrey shook her head.

"Jack, I didn't tell you all this to make you feel like you're to blame. Because you're not. You did what you did to protect me, and I know that. I told you because I want you to know how much I love you, how it affected me that you were gone. And maybe I told you, selfishly, because I'm embarrassed, and because I want to get rid of it, to put it behind me."

"Audrey," Jack said, at last moving closer to her and closing his hand over hers, "You have nothing to be embarrassed about. You didn't do anything wrong."

"Yeah," she murmured, not entirely convinced.

"Hey," Jack said, tilting her chin up, forcing her to look at him. "If you want me to forgive myself for what happened in the interrogation room, then you have to forgive yourself for that night with Cummings. Let it go."

Audrey edged closer to Jack.

"I want to," she said, touching his face, letting the hand that wasn't covered with his run over his features, touching his brows, his eyes, nose, mouth. He sat still while she did so. "Will you help me, Jack? Will you help me forget that night?"

Jack kissed her fingers that Audrey couldn't bring herself to remove from his lips, one by one. And then he folded the hand in his.

"Tell me how."

Audrey leaned forward to kiss him softly, and tilted her head against his.

"Make love to me."

Without another word, Jack stood up and pulled Audrey with him. He led her back down the hall to the bedroom, to the edge of the bed. He turned to her.

"You're not going to make me go to sleep again, are you?" he asked, the slightest hint of a smile tugging at his lips. Audrey stared at those lips.

"No," she said, "You had your chance."

The smile tugged a little more. Jack reached out and pulled Audrey a step forward.

"Good." And he brushed his lips against hers before tracing a slow line of kisses along her jaw, down her neck. Audrey's head tipped back slightly, and her hands came up to rest on Jack's shoulders.

"You can stay awake as long as you'd like," Audrey told him as his lips continued their tour, traveling across her shoulder. When he got to the strap of her tank top, he began to push it off her shoulder. But Audrey stopped him.

Stepping away, she crossed her arms and grabbed the hem, pulling it off in one smooth motion. She tossed the garment to the side, and stepped back to Jack.

He captured her mouth once more with his while his right hand landed at her waist and traveled upward until it closed gently around her breast. Audrey sighed against his lips. This is what she had craved that night in Walt's room, a touch that ignited every nerve ending she had, a touch that knew her completely. And when Jack leaned down a moment later to replace his hand with his mouth, his tongue soothing the aching flesh, the night at The River Hotel slowly began to erase itself from her memory; the edges of it started to blur.

Audrey felt her breath quickening as Jack's mouth moved from one breast to the other, paying it equal attention. He was nothing if not thorough. Audrey ran her hands through his hair, and across his shoulders, finally tugging him to stand upright again. She smiled at him before letting her hands run up the sides of his arms, over the tattoos that marked specific moments of his life, back down over his chest, lightly fluttering her fingers against his ribs until he chuckled. Good, she remembered right. She loved that sound.

She grinned at him and kissed him again, at the same time dropping her hands to the waistband of the black boxers he was wearing. She tucked her fingers just inside, and looked at him. Jack reached out to touch her cheek, the look in his eyes assuring her he wanted this just as much as she did. Audrey caught the material in her hands, and his boxers fell to the floor.

She ran her eyes over him, slowly, appreciatively, until her gaze returned to his. He tilted his head.

"What are you thinking?" he asked, his hands landing on her hips, pulling her forward, flush against him.

Audrey gasped, the sudden contact almost too much for her to process. She brought her lips to his ear.

"That my memory didn't do you justice."

Audrey felt his quick exhale of breath against her neck, heard the smile in it.

"I don't want to rely on my memory anymore either," he told her, his voice low. The next thing Audrey felt were Jack's hands sliding down her back, her sides, until his capable fingers were helping her panties join his boxers on the floor.

And after Jack took a long moment to touch every inch of her with his eyes, Audrey was at last following him onto the bed and sinking into his arms.

But as Jack rolled Audrey gently underneath him, Audrey looked up at him, almost shyly. She stilled. It was as if for a moment, she forgot how to do this with him. For a moment, she was unsure. But Jack seemed to inherently understand that. He dropped his head to place feather kisses on both her eyes, her right temple.

"S'okay," he whispered. "It's me."

Audrey listed to his voice as he murmured in her ear, listened to the calming tone she remembered from other nights spent in his arms, and a second later, she naturally relaxed against him_. Trust this_, she told herself. _This is right_.

She and Jack began to move together.

And Audrey gave into the rhythm, their rhythm, which her body clearly remembered even if her mind was a little slow in catching up. Her world came down to touching Jack and being touched by him. All that mattered was his lips on her skin, his body pressed against hers, his increasingly uneven breath in her ear as her hands remembered exactly what drove him to the edge of control.

Audrey was only aware of Jack beside her, beneath her, above her, until they were completely tangled in each other. Their language became one of soft gasps and progressively more confident touches. And when they at last found release moments apart, Audrey felt unexpected tears sliding down her cheeks as she arched against Jack, and he in turn called out her name, collapsing into her arms.

Jack brushed several strands of hair away from Audrey's face, and tenderly wiped away the dampness from beneath her eyes. He kissed her softly once more before gathering her into his arms.

Audrey smiled as she nestled into his embrace. He didn't ask her why she was crying, or what was wrong. Because he knew – nothing was. Everything was, at this moment, exactly as it should be.

There would be a lot to deal with in the weeks to come. There would be actions to answer for, for both of them, and there would be friends and colleagues to grieve. Their victory had come at a steep price.

And, Audrey knew, she and Jack would need to work hard at this second chance. As much as this night had confirmed the almost unreal connection running between them, it had also brought up the pain both of them felt. And though it was pain from decisions they could not undo, it lingered in each of them nevertheless. Jack would still try to beat himself up about what happened when he interrogated her, just as Audrey would struggle to let go of her guilt over the night in Pikesville.

But as Audrey felt Jack's arms loosen around her and heard his breathing slow, she understood they would help each other heal. Together, they would learn to forgive themselves.


End file.
